Monday, May 30, 2011

Small Victories

Ever since I've starting my cardio routine I have been craving spicy Mexican Food like a pregnant chick. The spicier the better I'm talking runny nose by the time I'm done spicy. SPICY!!!

At around 8am today I was hit by one of these cravings......I wanted Menudo. Spicy Menudo with lots and lots of lemon. I had to have some. I wrapped up some work I had to do and headed to La Villa on Union for an early lunch.

Let me share something with you guys only my closest friends and family are kind of aware of. It's something you may not have to think about but it's a.......hmmmm I actually don't know what to call it. I'm just gonna call it a 'fear'. A fear I have or maybe I should call it a 'dread'? Well you can decide.

I dislike eating at a lot of places because I'm so big I do not fit in the normal size booths they have for their customers. So when I go to dinner with friends I have to discreetly let the waiter or waitress know that I'd prefer a table instead of a booth. It may not seem like much to a lot of you but trust me we all have our own social phobias we battle with and this has been a huge one for me over the years.

So there I am at La Villa and I had already ordered my Menudo to go. I stood quietly off in the corner as another dude ordered a torta and some tacos also to go. Not because he was too fat to fit in a booth but probably because he had other things to do. I looked at the booth then looked at my belly. I've lost some pounds I know this. Some inches from my chest, my shoulders, my legs, by back. But my waist refuses to budge. The kid who had ordered after me was locked into a video game oblivious to the fact there was a fat kid considering trying to over come one of the biggest fears of his life from over the last ten years. The lady working the counter went into the back to work on our orders. It was just me and the oblivious video game kid.

Should I try? Will I fit? Will I get stuck? Will I break the booth? Will the kid see me try, fail then laugh at me? Fuck it, know one is looking let's give it a try. I walked over to the nearest booth put my hands on the table top and slid in. Wholly shit I thought to myself? I fit!!! I'm in the booth!! A boyish grin stretched across my face as I sat there speechless. It was still a tight fit, but I was in! I looked over at the kid to see if he was about to congratulate me but he was still to locked in on his game to know I had just taken another small victory in this war I fight daily to reclaim my life.

The chick from the counter returned from the back of the restaurant with my order. "Here's your Menudo to go" she said. I stood up from where I was sitting walked over grabbed my bag. I walked over to a booth by the exit with a nice view of the street slid in and sat down to enjoy my early lunch.

"I thought you wanted it to go?" asked the lady...."yeah, I changed my mind" I said as I dumped a bunch of chili and squeezed a bunch of lemon into the cup-o-menudo.

Saturday, May 28, 2011

This is what The Bluffs look like

I was sitting around perfectly happy with my last post when I realized not everyone lives in Bakersfield and knows what the hell I'm talking about when I refer to The Bluffs. So for those who do not know here are some pictures I've taken while walking around The Bluffs enjoy the visual stimuli!

I know right?

Since The Bluffs are at the edge of town the sunsets there are amazing. And there are plenty of trees for shade.

These little dudes are everywhere and they will come right up to you for a piece of bread.


...and you just might see this guy. If you do see him give em some water or if your a pretty girl take him on a date!!!

This is going to be so random..... random because right I now I am just missing the therapy of putting my hands to the keyboard and letting the sound of the keystrokes be my musical therapy.

Writing has always been a form of therapy for me. It started in high school only back then I used to love the smell of the fresh ink on a piece of notebook paper. The way it smudged if you brushed against it too soon after you had just written something. But then notebooks gave way to Blue Books at BC and writing in Blue Books always seemed forced and I would always be so nervous about it because I knew I was going to be graded. But now notebooks and blue books have given way to key boards and pixels. I no longer write to be graded but still find solace in my scribe.

So much has been going on. So much so that I can't share it anymore with just a status update or a tweet. This will take more than 140 character's.

The eating habits. Are soooooooo much better today then those of years gone by. But most important it all seems to make better sense to me these days. I pay attention to everything about food these days and more important to how my body reacts to or better yet how I want it to respond to what I'm about to eat. I'm learning more and more about how food is just really supposed to be fuel for my body not a roller coaster ride for my senses of smell and taste. Just get it in my belly because I feel weak and need strength for the long day ahead. Refuel constantly because I'm always on the go. A lot of chicken, a lot of greens, a lot of water even had some lamb this week that was pretty good too.

The exercises. I remember the first session I had with a dude told me to 'get on the ground' I looked at him and said 'dude if I get down, I'm not gonna be able to get back up!' He shot me a look and said 'I'll help you back up, if it takes both of us' he said referring to the other trainer dude who was helping out. Ever since then I've had a sort of blind faith in my trainer. Believing they will not ask me to do something they didn't know I couldnt handle. I leave the thinking up to them and just do what they tell me. I even bought a bike a few months ago...but I've only ridden it a couple of times. What I have done is started walking.

The Bluffs. Have become a sanctuary to me, almost a home a away from home I've spent so much time up there the last few weeks. It started out very simple. Park my car and walk in a big circle but then curiosity got to this cat and I had to start getting techy about my walking. So I downloaded a couple of Aps for tracking my walks and it took off from there. 1 mile turned into 1.5 miles then 2 miles then 3 miles then I made a goal with myself that I would hit the 5 mile mark before the end of May....I hit 5.21 miles yesterday.

The Cardio. I started walking because I think the next big weight lose phase is going to require a lot a lot a lot of cardio and well cardio at the gym is pretty damn boring to me. Now, cardio in this beautiful state of California...not so boring. So I'm digging the walks and next week after my 5k I will buy a bike rack and start hitting the bike paths in June.

The Music. Right now I can't stop listening to the new Beastie Boys and the new She Wants Revenge. I can't remember the last time there were two amazing new records released in such a short time span!

There I talked about everything I wanted to talk about in a few short paragraphs and got a lot off my chest.