So when I feel like quitting.....

I have a lot of heroes in my life people who I look up to for strength and inspiration. Like many people I admire several sports figures: Jackie Robinson for his courage, Michael Jordan for his consistency, John Elway for his toughness just to name a few. However the athlete who inspires me most of all at this point and time in my life is Lance Armstrong.

When I'm on the elliptical at the gym I pretend I'm Lance on the mountains of France. I bounce up and down like a cyclist out of the saddle on a 4 hour climb. I can hear Phil Liggett's voice narrating my progress, reading the determination on my face. The sweat drips down my face onto the cobble stoned roads of the Champs Elysees. Over and over again there is a Lance Armstrong quote that repeats itself in my mind. Because believe me there is not a day where I don't think to myself "eh that's enough for today, maybe I'll quit early. Just today. Then this quote pops into my head:

"Pain is temporary. It may last a minute, or an hour, or a day, or a year, but eventually it will subside and something else will take its place. If I quit, however, it lasts forever. That surrender, even the smallest act of giving up, stays with me. So when I feel like quitting, I ask myself, which would I rather live with?”

So I push on. I push past the pain. First I ache, then I sweat, then comes the pain. Once you've pushed past the pain then the numbness sets in and you can ride the numbness till you've reached your goal for the day. When it's all done the sweet euphoria of having pushed yourself past pain into numbness is the best feeling in the world and I chase that everyday I'm at the gym.

Okay just wanted to share that with you guys. Oh here check this out!

So, it's been about a year...

....and what have I learned since that day I fell and could not get up?

I've learned there is a lot wonderful people in my life who love me and will give me all the support I need to succeed. I've learned the only thing holding me back from accomplishing what I have yet to accomplish is my own mind. I've learned my heart is strong though it was once very week. I've learned I can walk a mile sometimes two or three. I can workout and push my limits past what I once thought possible. I've learned I can eat healthy food and still enjoy it. I've learned to love myself and try to change the things about me I haven't liked in the past.

Am I done learning? Never! The day we stop learning is the day we die. I know I still don't have all the answers yet, but at least I've started asking questions and the only place I'm looking for answers is within myself

I've come a long way in a year and I can't wait to see where this determination will take me in another years time. I hope everyone who's on board sticks around to see where we are a year from now because we all know where I was a year ago.

So, I'm just going to keep doing what I've been doing and see where this roller coaster ride called life takes me. Don't worry, you know wherever I go. If I don't blog it, I'll Instgram it and if I don't Facebook it you sure as hell know I'ma Tweet that shit!!!

Thanks everyone, I love you all!!!


Desparation
Dislocation
Separation
Condemnation
Revelation
In temptation
Isolation
Desolation
Let it go!!!!!! I'm wide awake....I'm not sleeping....oh no....

This is going to be so random.....

....so random because right I now I am just missing the therapy of putting my hands to the keyboard and letting the sound of the keystrokes be my musical therapy.

Writing has always been a form of therapy for me. It started in high school only back then I used to love the smell of the fresh ink on a piece of notebook paper. The way it smudged if you brushed against it too soon after you had just written something. But then notebooks gave way to Blue Books at BC and writing in Blue Books always seemed forced and I would always be so nervous about it because I knew I was going to be graded. But now notebooks and blue books have given way to key boards and pixels. I no longer write to be graded but still find solace in my scribe.

So much has been going on. So much so that I can't share it anymore with just a status update or a tweet. This will take more than 140 character's.

The eating habits. Are soooooooo much better today then those of years gone by. But most important it all seems to make better sense to me these days. I pay attention to everything about food these days and more important to how my body reacts to or better yet how I want it to respond to what I'm about to eat. I'm learning more and more about how food is just really supposed to be fuel for my body not a roller coaster ride for my senses of smell and taste. Just get it in my belly because I feel weak and need strength for the long day ahead. Refuel constantly because I'm always on the go. A lot of chicken, a lot of greens, a lot of water even had some lamb this week that was pretty good too.

The exercises. I remember the first session I had with a trainer...lol.. dude told me to 'get on the ground' I looked at him and said 'dude if I get down, I'm not gonna be able to get back up!' He shot me a look and said 'I'll help you back up, if it takes both of us' he said referring to the other trainer dude who was helping out. Ever since then I've had a sort of blind faith in my trainer. Believing they will not ask me to do something they didn't know I couldnt handle. I leave the thinking up to them and just do what they tell me. I even bought a bike a few months ago...but I've only ridden it a couple of times. What I have done is started walking.

The Bluffs. Have become a sanctuary to me, almost a home a away from home I've spent so much time up there the last few weeks. It started out very simple. Park my car and walk in a big circle but then curiosity got to this cat and I had to start getting techy about my walking. So I downloaded a couple of Aps for tracking my walks and it took off from there. 1 mile turned into 1.5 miles then 2 miles then 3 miles then I made a goal with myself that I would hit the 5 mile mark before the end of May....I hit 5.21 miles yesterday.

The Cardio. I started walking because I think the next big weight lose phase is going to require a lot a lot a lot of cardio and well cardio at the gym is pretty damn boring to me. Now, cardio in this beautiful state of California...not so boring. So I'm digging the walks and next week after my 5k I will buy a bike rack and start hitting the bike paths in June.

The Music. Right now I can't stop listening to the new Beastie Boys and the new She Wants Revenge. I can't remember the last time there were two amazing new records released in such a short time span!

There I talked about everything I wanted to talk about in a few short paragraphs and got a lot off my chest.